Relationship: 2 ways to know if it’s true love
DAVID could not take his eyes off Janet. They had just met for the first time at a party. He was attracted to her shapely figure and the way her hair tumbled over her eye when she laughed. Janet was enchanted by his deep brown eyes and his witty conversation. They both felt that this was the start of something big.
During the next three weeks David and Janet were inseparable. They talked for hours and discovered countless common interests. Both said that they had never been this close to anyone else. However, one night Janet received an emotionally devastating phone call from a previous male companion. So she called David for comfort. But David, feeling threatened and confused, responded coldly. Janet felt rejected. What they had considered love at first sight—a love believed strong enough to last forever—died that night.
The ending of this experience contrasts greatly with what most persons see through today’s entertainment and advertising media. A dazzling picture is painted of men and women who, after a glance, a look, “fall madly in love” and remain that way for a lifetime. As a young person you may ask: Is this how love starts? Can lasting love really be found at first sight?
Certainly, physical attraction is a factor in drawing two persons together. It usually is the first thing you notice. “You must realize that it is hard to ‘see’ a person’s personality,” said 21-year-old Guy.
But what is it that one “loves” when the relationship is but a few hours or days old? Is it not the mental image you have of that person? Really, you don’t know much about that person’s thoughts, hopes, fears, plans, habits, skills or abilities. However, the outward appearance does have a powerful effect!
Know the person and ignore the face
In many countries the faces of handsome men and glamorous women beam from movie and TV screens, as well as adorn newspaper ads, magazine covers and billboards. So quite likely the daydreams of young people are going to involve the physical qualities of handsomeness and beauty. With the overemphasis on The Face, the underlying personality could easily be overlooked.
One research study found that there was a tendency to associate (in one’s own imagination) certain positive personality traits with a physically attractive person. The report in Psychology Today says: “We found that students thought good-looking persons were generally more sensitive, kind, interesting, strong, poised, modest, sociable, outgoing and exciting than less-attractive persons.”
Yet surely you know some physically attractive persons who are anything but kind, modest or sensitive. Outward appearances can be deceiving. The glittering wrappings of a gift tell you nothing of what’s inside. In fact, the most elegant wrappings may cover a useless gift.
However, if a person was pretty without having “sensibleness,” it was like taking a beautiful nose ring and putting it in the snout of a pig. If you kept your eye only on that glittering nose ring, what a rude awakening to find that its possessor was a pig! So, too, would it not be better to find out whether the person you are physically attracted to has “sensibleness,” or ‘sound intellectual judgment and discernment’? “You’ve got to take time,” urged 20-year-old Sandra. “A person just doesn’t hand out to you his personality by simply saying: ‘This is what I am. Now you know all about me.’ It just doesn’t work that way. It takes time.”