Ladies:Four ways to make him leave you alone
David is the most popular boy in school. And suddenly, to the envy of every girl in school, he has become interested in you! Several times he has asked you to go out with him, and each time you’ve refused. But David tells you that no other girl has ever made him feel this way and that he won’t take no for an answer. You don’t want to hurt his feelings, but you know what he likely has on his mind. Why can’t he just leave you alone?
YOUNG women everywhere (and frequently today young men) are being beset by schoolmates and workmates who give them unwanted romantic attention. Often the overtures amount to a clear-cut invitation to engage in sexual immorality. How would you react if it happened to you?
Says an article in Psychology Today: “If a man introduces sexuality, by innuendo or physical gesture, you must immediately respond. If you do not, your silence encourages him to continue.” So you must do something—but what?
Why it’s Hard to Say No
A young woman named Sherron admits rather bluntly: “Usually it is not difficult to say no when a boy is ugly.” The problem is, all of us like attention. And when it’s coming from someone we admire or find attractive, it’s not easy to turn it down.
Nevertheless, you may also face intense peer pressure to go against your religious standards. Young Dana reports: “The girls on the job pressure me to go out dancing with them; they ask why I am not dating anyone.” If you are still in school, schoolmates may similarly urge you to go out with some of the boys there. This kind of pressure can easily weaken your resolve. What can you do to strengthen it?
The old maxim goes, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.” Maria agrees. She says: “I let it be known that i have a stand.” When boys know that you have high moral standards, they may be less likely to bother you.
Proper grooming also plays a vital role in discouraging unwanted attention. One New York executive learned this when she began having problems with men at her workplace. She notes: “Though I was serious about my job, I didn’t look it. So I put my hair up in a bun, and I started wearing cotton shirts and owl glasses and tailored clothes to work. I look serious, like I’m here to work, not flirt.” Of course, such an appearance may not be necessary for your situation, but it does illustrate the need to be sure that your dress and grooming give the proper impression.
Choice of friends
Your choice of friends is another important factor. So do not associate with—or even listen to people who tell off-color jokes or boast of sexual escapades. If you do, others may get the wrong idea about you. Young Erica says that when the talk gets out of hand, she tells them, “That’s my cue to leave,” and they get the point.
Say no, and stand by it
At times, though, even establishing your rule or your stand, it is not enough to discourage some boys. (“What difference does it make that you’re a Christian?” reasoned one determined young man. “You’re still a woman, and I’m still a man.”) How do you handle such situations?
Having a similarly humble disposition is critical because the number one tool that seducers use is flattery. Letting your associates know where you stand may likewise neutralize some of their pressure.
Most important of all, you must show yourself to be just as resolute when it comes to improper advances. You must learn to be good at saying no. If doing so is hard for you, practice saying no in less serious situations. Get used to standing up for what you believe. Then when the serious situations come, you will be better prepared to handle them.
Block That Pass!
Let’s now consider some common enticements boys use and how you should view them:
‘Everybody’s doing it.’ Don’t believe it! A survey by the organization Planned Parenthood revealed that 53 percent of 17-year-old girls in the United States have engaged in immoral sex. However, that still leaves 47 percent who have not—including you!
‘You owe it to me.’ You don’t owe sexual relations to anyone—whether it be a schoolmate, a boss, a friend, or anyone else! And no one has the right to demand it.
‘Oh, live for the moment. We might die tomorrow!’ We cannot allow one moment of illicit sexual pleasure to destroy an eternity of happiness.
Such devious approaches require straightforward—at times blunt—responses. And when someone is persistent, you may need to give more thought to how you will answer the person more effectively. (Proverbs 15:28) Whatever you say, show that you are serious about rejecting his advances; do not act amused or embarrassed.
Author Joyce Jillson further suggests: “If you really want to cool matters off permanently, get into a discussion of religion.” Many youths have found this to be true. Says one girl: “Whenever someone tries to make a pass at me, I pull out a Christian topic and talk about it, he simply just leaves me alone”.
Yes, one of the best defenses is to make your beliefs clear. Let the person know why you are rejecting his advances. You are not so much rejecting him as a person as you are rejecting the course of action he wants to take. Such a line of reasoning is especially helpful if the person is someone you must face daily.
Unfortunately, there are some who cannot be reasoned with. All you can do is state your position clearly, unsmilingly—and walk away. If the harassment continues or the situation is too difficult for you to handle, talk matters over with your parents. They may have some suggestions—or may decide to intervene. In some cases, you may even have to flee a situation!
Now, you may well suffer verbal abuse or teasing as a result of your stand, but do not be discouraged. Besides, not all boys will react abusively. Remember: Your everlasting welfare and self-respect are at stake!